Why you should never drink punch spiked by Xelloss
by EditorDee
Summary: Party at Amelia's. Lot's of humor! Suggestive dialogue, but nothing considered lemon. (Z/L, G/S, X/F) R/R


Why you should never drink punch spiked by Xelloss  
  
By Dee-chan  
  
"Come on Zel, the party starts in a half-an-hour." Lina pulled the chimera behind her.  
  
Zelgadis groaned. "Another one?!"  
  
Lina shot him a look. "Well, you know that once Filia had done a Slayers gang reunion, that Amelia would want to do a bigger and better one." Zel shivered at the mention of Seliuun's princess. She was so naïve and not to mention a pain in the ass.  
  
"Can you tell me why I'm going?"  
  
"Well," Lina paused to think. "Because I'm making you."  
  
"L-sama save me!"  
  
BONK!  
  
"Ow!" Lina rubbed her hand. Zel simply set to straightening the steel hair of his. Lina growled, grabbed his arm and pulled him off to the party.  
  
***  
  
"Xelloss! I do not want to go with you." Filia stamped her foot angrily.  
  
"But Filia-san, they're all expecting you." Xelloss tired to smile, but the dragon was becoming bothersome.  
  
"Oh, I'm going, but not with you."  
  
"Fi-!" Grabbing for her arm and missing, Xelloss' hand landed on her rump.  
  
"NAMAGOMI!" *BAM* Xelloss rubbed his head.  
  
"Owwww.."  
  
"Humph, serves you right."  
  
"Fi-Filia-san," Xelloss whimpered and built huge pleading tears to his eyes. "Please."  
  
"Oh.all right. But just this one time."  
  
***  
  
Amelia carefully adjusted a vase of flowers and mentally checked everything off in her head.  
  
'Alright, the caterers are here. Food is ready. My dress is waiting for me. Lina will be here any moment and her dress is ready. Mr. Zelgadis will be with her and his suit is ready. Gourry and Shylphiel are already here. Xelloss said he'd make sure Filia and baby Val were dressed in their finest and he'd bring them. Everything is ready. Guests will be here in an hour to be fashionably late.' Amelia was pleased. Filia's party would be blown out of the water by this one.  
  
A door banged open. "Oi! Amelia! We're here." Lina walked up, dragging a disgruntled Zelgadis behind her.  
  
"Oh, Mr. Zelgadis-san, Lina-san! You're here. Come on." She led them up the stairs to their rooms. "Lina, your dress is in there, I'll be back soon to help you." Amelia latched on to Zel's arm. "Zel, you're over here, next to Lina's room. You're suit is hanging up. I hope you like it." Amelia giggled to herself. She knew he'd look good in it. She had fantasized him in it many times before. Amelia couldn't wait for him to see her in her low-cut crimson gown.  
  
Zelgadis rolled his eyes and detached Amelia from his arm. He walked into his room and closed the door.  
  
Amelia frowned. She knew that look. It was 'I'm not coming out unless someone dragu slaves me.' Joy. Well, she'd just have to get Xelloss and Gourry to get him.  
  
Xelloss' voice could be heard in the main lobby. "Ame-chan! I brought them. We're here. What, no reception?"  
  
***  
  
Xelloss escorted Filia and Baby Val (now an important age of 5, according to him) to their room. He was nervous, wondering how she'd receive his gifts. Amelia had told him where the room was and had to hurry off to get ready.  
  
"I don't see why I can't just find it myself. You don't need to escort us." Filia was grumbling, again.  
  
"Now, now Filia-san, don't be a lizard and allow me to escort you to tonight's ball."  
  
Val looked between the two he had come to call Mommy and Daddy. Mommy was always yelling at Daddy when he came over. He stuck his thumb in his mouth and gurgled cutely. "I stay. No wanna go to dumb ball." He grinned up around his thumb at the two adults. "Wanna stay in 'oom. Wanna stay wiv' Nammy." Referring to the small wolf puppy that had taken to following Val wherever he went. In fact, the little wolf was butting Val in the back at that moment. He'd gotten it into his little head that he had to protect Baby Val from all threats.  
  
Xelloss grinned. "See, Val will be fine. Come on Filia-chan."  
  
Filia sighed. "Fine."  
  
Xelloss grinned, relieved. He led them into their room and then a box appeared in his arms. "Here Fi-chan. This is for you to wear tonight."  
  
Xelloss blushed as Filia gave him a long look before she took the box.  
  
"It-it's a gift." Filia cocked an eyebrow. A gift? From Xelloss?  
  
Opening the box, Filia gasped. Inside lay a midnight blue off the shoulder dress. She put the box down and lifted the dress out. "Xelloss, I-I don't know what to say." Filia looked up and saw a look of relief pass over his face. Her eyes narrowed. "Xelloss, who was the last woman you seduced in this dress?" The Writer's mouth gapes open. This wasn't in the script! She paused. "Why does it seem that I've said that before?"  
  
Xelloss shrugged. "Beats me. Although, you're right, it does seem familiar." He thought for a moment. "Let's check with Writer-sama!" Filia nodded.  
  
"WRITER-SAMA!!!" They both yelled at the same time.  
  
"Argh! You two don't need to yell, I'm the one writing the fic, remember?" The Writer pops up between the two.  
  
"Why do our lines seem so familiar?" Filia asked angrily.  
  
The writer sweatdrops. "Ano.you called me from the computer to ask me why the lines seem familiar?! ARE YOU CRAZY?!" she yelled.  
  
Xelloss and Filia both cowered and began bowing earnestly to her. "Gomen, gomen, gomen, gomen, gomen, gomen, gomen."  
  
"Oh, shut up." The Writer sighs. "It was in Theria-sama's Slayers AD that you two had a similar argument Writer bows down to the fan-fiction queen Theria." The stars eventually fade out of her eyes. "But I would like to point out that you, Filia, had changed the lines. Look, you must have gotten confused because I know that I just recently reread AD, but still, that's no excuse for changing your lines. Now, I'm going back to my computer. don't call me again, and NO MORE ADLIBING!" The Writer pops out. The two look at each other and shrug.  
  
She looked back into the box and found a pair of heels to match the dress. A warm feeling spread over her as she sighed happily. Writer: Corny, I know, but give me some props here!)  
  
Xelloss grinned. "Well, I'll leave you to get dressed. I'll be back up to get you in 45 minutes." He waved goodbye and phased out.  
  
***  
  
Lina banged on Zel's door. "ZEL! Come on! Come out NOW! Zel.Zel, don't make me come in there!" Lina continued to bang. "Zel, you've got 5 seconds to open this door before I Dragon Slave it out of existence! 5.4.3.2." Zel opened the door.  
  
Lina sucked in air to yell at him, when she noticed what he wore. Tight fitting black pants that hugged his slim hips and thighs; a nice looking tuxedo top and no cape. Lina practically drooled.  
  
Zel, on the other hand, was having a hard time remembering where he was. Lina was wearing a low cut, off the shoulder green gown. The slit that ran up the side gave Zel a very nice view of her long legs. It also made him see that she was nowhere near flat-chested.  
  
Both swallowed and reigned in their hormones. Zel cleared his throat and offered his arm to Lina. "Ready to go?" Although slightly hoarse, Zel was proud because his voice didn't crack.  
  
Lina looped her arm through his and nodded. They made their way downstairs, regally. "You look good, Zel."  
  
Zel blushed. "So do you."  
  
Lina cocked an eyebrow and grinned. "For a short, flat-chested runt?" "You are not a runt," he looked down at her dress. "Definitely not flat- chested, and quite beautiful. You shouldn't even be seen with a freak like me."  
  
Lina's eyes narrowed. "I thought we had already gone over this. You are not a freak. You look perfectly fine to me." She stomped her foot impatiently. "Now, let's go get food!"  
  
***  
  
Xelloss stared. He dropped his dignity and stared. There she was in the gown he had given her. He was suddenly more than a little jealous of the gown. She looked fabulous.  
  
"Ready to go, Xelloss?" Filia asked. "Xelloss? Xelloss, hello?"  
  
Xelloss snapped his mind back to the present. "Er, not quite yet. I've got one last gift."  
  
Baby Val came out. "Mommy, me and Nammy are hungry."  
  
"Nammy and I." Filia corrected absently.  
  
Xelloss winked at the two. "I'll bring you up some food from the tables." He turned back to Filia. "Now, about that gift." A necklace of two pure gold chains and a red teardrop pendant formed between his hands. He took a tentative step forward, and when Filia made no verbal resistance, he stepped behind her and gently brushed her hair away from her neck. Filia's face flamed as she felt his gloved fingers brush her neck as they clasped the beautiful necklace around her neck. It settled comfortably over her collarbone. Xelloss walked back around and offered Filia his arm. She gracefully accepted, blushing even more. The color spreading all the way to the gently pointed tips of her ears.  
  
"Shall we go, my lady?" Filia couldn't answer. She was struck by just how handsome he was with his deep purple tux on and his lean figure clearly shown. She nodded dumbly and they made their way downstairs.  
  
***  
  
2 Hours Later:  
  
"Dish shtuff ish great! Oi! Amelia, try dish puncsh!"  
  
***  
  
Val sat in his room and pouted. Where was Daddy with his food? He wanted food! Nammy nuzzled Baby Val's hand as the child grew more and more indignant.  
  
Eventually (10 seconds later), Val gave up trying to be patient. He clenched his fists (seriously pulling Nammy's fur, making him yelp indignantly), screwed his face up in concentration, took a deep breath, held it for a moment.and let loose.  
  
"WAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
  
***  
  
"WAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Lina screamed. She tried to snatch the cup of punch Zel held just a few inches from her fingers. "Zel! Please.pwetty pweash! I v-want jush one more cup!"  
  
Zel, a tell tale flush on his cheeks, grinned drunkenly. "Nope. Ish mine! Shides, if -hic-if youse wants dish, ya gotta do shometin' for me."  
  
Lina leaned close. "What? Anyting!"  
  
Zel got a devilish look on his inebriated face. "Just one ting. One shmall ting."  
  
Lina leaned closer. "Yeah? Wha? I'll do-hic-scuse me, it!"  
  
Zel leaned even closer and was only inches from Lina's lips. "I wants a smackeroo."  
  
Lina blinked. "A what?"  
  
"A smackeroo. A kish. Ya know, lip-lock."  
  
Lina thought for a moment. She shrugeed. "K. Den I gets da drink?"  
  
"O' courshe."  
  
***  
  
Filia looked over at Xelloss, her vision blurring slightly. "Did you hear something?"  
  
Xelloss studied her a moment, then shook his head and grinned. "Nope. Would you care to dance, Fi-chan?"  
  
Apparently too much liquor does affect your decision making skills, (as the writer knows a little too well) because Filia threw her sup over her shoulder and took Xelloss' hand. "Sure," she smiled up at him as he swept her onto the dance floor.  
  
***  
  
"So, da beautiful jushtice-loving princesh saysh to da evil, bad.evil guy, 'I'.she saysh.she saysh. she says some cool, justiche-loving, good, cool shpeech on how dish guy should become good and repent 'is evil waysh. And den-"  
  
Amelia drunkenly leaned on the hapless male victim she had claimed. The poor guy chivalrously supported the drunken princess while wished he hadn't agreed to come to the stupid party.  
  
"Ya know shome din, you're kinda cute, ya know, for a human. In fact, youse gots da same boo.blue eyesh dat Zelgadish-san has. But I betcha you aint's alays rock hard all da time. Heheh. Bet I could make ya hard-"  
  
The poor guy gulped. The Writer cringes and wonders why Amelia has suddenly turned so wanton! Oh.wait, her sister, Naga, right? No more needed to be said.  
  
***  
  
"Oh Gourry!" *creak*  
  
"Slyphiel!" *creak, creak*  
  
"Gourry!" *creak, creak, creak*  
  
"Oh yes!" *creak, creak, creak, creak*  
  
Writer: Whoops! I had thought that those two were the "purest" couple and quite safe to go to.I was wrong. Ok, so those two's inhibitions have flown out the door. Well, no need to read what exactly those two are doing. We get the idea!  
  
***  
  
Baby Val look chargined. No one had responded to his loud wail. Ok, lets try that again. Nammy laid his paws over his ears, shutting out the earsplitting wail the small Ancient let out.  
  
"WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
  
***  
  
"Do I get da drink now, Zel?" Lina leaned against his chest reveling in the moment after the kiss.  
  
"Yeah." He gave her the cup full of the liquor filled drink.  
  
"And after dish, can you give me anoder-another-kish?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
***  
  
Filia wrapped her arms around Xelloss as they continued to dance. She buried her face in his chest and wriggled her head under his chin.  
  
"Do you want a drink?" Xelloss asked as one song ended and another began.  
  
Filia shook her head. "No, can we just dance, right now? Just for this moment?"  
  
"Of course, Fi-chan."  
  
***  
  
"I tink I'm gonna kish youse." Amelia leaned towards the young man. Given a bird's eye view of her chest, the boy instantly got a nose bleed as Amelia threw herself into his startled arms. "Kish me!" What else was he supposed to do?  
  
He kissed her.  
  
***  
  
"Oh, yes, yes, YES! I'm com- Writer stops writing. "We all know where this part is going, so lets skip it. Techinically this is supposed to be only PG-13."  
  
***  
  
The Next Morning:  
  
Zel opened his eyes and shot up, almost instantly hitting his head on the table above him. He rubbed his head. "Uh.oh my god, what the hell was in that punch anyway?" He looked down. He was.!  
  
Zel blushed and looked around frantically for his clothes. Then the bundle at his side woke up. "Argh! What a headache! I feel as if I've been pummeled with Zel's sword for days on end. I've never been so stiff.why am I under a table?"  
  
Lina sat up and looked around, then at Zel. Her jaw dropped. They both blushed bright red as they frantically each searched one-handedly for their clothes, their other hands occupied covering very important parts.  
  
"Zel! I-"  
  
"Lina, I-"  
  
"I'm sorry!" They both said. Both blushed.  
  
Zel stuttered as he tried to explain.or just make sense of what had happened. "L-lina, I-I-I don't know w-what w-we d-d-d-d-did, but, I-"  
  
Lina stopped him. "Zel, it wasn't your fault. Nor mine." Zel nodded in agreement. "In fact, if anyone is to blame, its Xelloss. What did he put in that punch?"  
  
Zel grinned. "No clue, but I've got to get some for my coffee."  
  
Lina smiled back. "Hai! That and I'm sure that I'd love some too.even if I had to kiss for it!"  
  
Zel blushed again. "Lina, I-"  
  
"Zel, I-"  
  
"I love you!" The both blushed, but they both reached out, embraced, and lay back down under the table, using it for cover.  
  
***  
  
Filia woke up with a start. She shook her head to clear it. Last she remembered, she was.dancing with Xelloss?! Had he really whispered those three words that she'd wanted to hear? And had she really answered him in kind? Looking down, she not only realized she was still wearing her evening gown, (looking none the worse for wear.except for a few wrinkles from having been slept in) but also realized a purple clad arm was encircling her waist. She turned her head, to see Xelloss lying behind her, snuggled against her in spoon fashion, sleeping contentedly.  
  
"Oh MY GOD!" Filia screeched.  
  
Xelloss immediately shot out of bed, exclaiming, "Nani?!" before falling flat on his fact. It shouldn't have been funny, considering their position only seconds before, but Filia burst out laughing. Xelloss indignantly pulled himself up, off the ground. "What? What's so funny? Why did you shout?" Xelloss asked, grumbling as he shook dust off his coat.  
  
Filia shook her head, unable to speak. Xelloss sat back down on the bed and Filia immediately stopped laughing. "Eh.Xelloss.what happened last night?" Filia asked timidly, fearing the answer.  
  
Xelloss thought a moment before answering. "Well, let's see, we drank some punch, danced, I declared my love for you, as you did for me. Then.you fell asleep dancing, so I carried you to the first available room. And then I fell asleep next to you, thinking I could protect you."  
  
Filia picked her jaw up off the floor. "So.you really do love me?"  
  
Xelloss amusedly flipped a bang out of her face. "Of course, silly. I've loved you for a long time now, I just never had the right moment to tell you."  
  
Filia blushed, but smiled happily. "And I you." She blushed harder. "So we didn't do anything-"  
  
"No!" Xelloss forcefully shook his head. "No, I did not take advantage of you! I wouldn't do that without your permission!"  
  
Filia grinned, a mischievous look danced in her eyes. "Oh, what if I gave you permission, Xelloss?"  
  
Xelloss cocked an eyebrow, before lowering himself to kissing distance. "Then I'd have to take advantage of the opportunity you'd presented me with." And with that, he kissed her. Writer: YES! About time!  
  
***  
  
Amelia and the young man were still kissing. Apparently she wasn't as corrupted as her sister was. In fact, in a lucid moment, Amelia would tell you she didn't have the slightest idea as to how to go past kissing. As far as she was concerned, sex was as bad as kissing.  
  
The poor man had eventually given up trying to bed her as since all she'd do was kiss him. He almost fell asleep as she had continually kissed him through the night. Poor boy.  
  
***  
  
"Oh, Gourry, yes, that's it!"  
  
"Slyphiel, you feel so good- Writer stops. "Ok, so they don't wear out. In fact, they're still going at it. Why am I not surprised?" Ok on with the fic!  
  
***  
  
Baby Val sat in his room, his stomach growling quite loudly. Nammy was curled around him as he sat in the middle of the floor.  
  
"Dammit!" he croaked, his voice cracked and disappeared as he had the worst sore throat of all time. For only a 5-year-old, he sure knew a lot of curse words, and all were referring to one namagomi Daddy and one lizardly Mommy.  
  
Nammy growled low in his throat and twitched. Val played with Nammy's fur, settling the wolf-pup down from his dream.  
  
Val had tried screaming all night long, but to no avail. He still hadn't gotten any food.  
  
Daddy had forgotten the food!  
  
***  
  
Xelloss suddenly sat up. Both he and Filia looked at each other in unison.  
  
"BABY VAL'S FOOD!"  
  
- FIN-  
  
Writer: I finished, I finished. Yeah! At last. Maybe I'll write another part. They're weddings. Ok, so maybe the title doesn't exactly fit. It seems as if everyone enjoyed Xelloss' punch. But, think of it this way, as least everyone got with the person they deserve to be with. Hey, how would you feel waking up next to.oh I don't know, maybe.Prince Phil! AGH! Ew! *shiver* I really shouldn't joke about that. I mean, I pity Amelia and Naga's mother. She had to sleep with Prince Phil.TWICE! Yuck! { Blah! Anyway, I'm rambling on, so I should just shut up now.  
  
Disclaimer: Slayers characters don't belong to me. Don't sue me. I've gots no money. In fact, I don't even have enough for lunch tomorrow.much less if someone tried to slap a lawsuit on me. So, anyho. All characters belong to whoever made Slayers, the name escapes me right now. So, you won't get nothin' outta me.  
  
.Prince Phil.ewwwwww. Talk about leaving a bad taste in your mouth. 


End file.
